someone recently asked
what in my opinion
is theory and perhaps
more importantly
what is my theory
i replied that i did not know
what it is any more than he
i guess it is not
unlike asking someone
what is the grass
only that it is more irregular
prickly and especially riddled
with gnats and noseeums
then after stumbling around
for a moment or two
i told him that i guess
for me theory is a lens
through which meaning
is filtered or even produced
i then added that
i suffered from the blessing
curse of learning poststructuralism
from poststructuralists and
marxism from marxists
i’ve studied semiotics
with semioticians and
feminism with feminists
not to mention critical race
theory and cultural studies
from provocative advocates
i’ve also been taught
somewhat against my will
the absence or avoidance
of theory by those who
were simply and blindly
in the grip of an older theory
unconsciously unwittingly
subject to the hegemonic
despite the detours and road bumps
this diversity of experience
allowed me the opportunity
of seeing each positionality
as a positionality
from within itself
through its own lens and
through the lenses of others
reflexively recognizing
the ideological presuppositions
that finally doom each to
a partiality of knowing
and ultimately to failure
nevertheless these are each
theory on a grand scale
they deal with our relation
to reality and truth
they alethiologically shape
and fundamentally determine
our notions of how
the world is constructed
and thereby deconstructed
so access to so many
world views would seem
to leave one an overwhelming
spectrum of possibilities
leaving us in a state
of brilliant ignorance
of ineffectual enlightenment
in spite of all of that however
it is necessary and it means
i neglected to tell him
however that i have also
been taught perhaps to my cost
christianity from christians
who are the same people
who taught me racism
sexism and homophobia
under the guise of what
i would now call white
privilege patriarchy
and heteronormativity
upon second thought
i wish i had told him
this last bit it’s just that
when you are from alabama
you have to be careful
about the kinds of lenses
you provide people
to see through you
which is kind of like theory
but not really